'm trying to be open minded about these books that promise to explain the
differences between men and women--books like "Men Are From Mars/Women Are
From Venus." But every time I open one up, I read something like this:
"Women age faster and less gracefully than men, they are irrational, over-emotional and desperate for commitment. Men have more facial hair and seek adventure."
Why do I feel the playing field here is not quite level? On closer
inspection, it frequently appears these books are written by men--and the
women on their payroll or in their classrooms are in some way motivated to
rubber stamp their guru's conclusions.
Someday, somebody's going to write a book that says neither gender nor
sexual orientation is the most important thing about us. A book I will read
with great interest.
In the egalitarian atmosphere of the 21st century, the differences between
men and women are subtle. And perhaps too trivial to write about, except in
play. And yet there are these Y chromosome things that crop up sometimes, defying understanding. Stuff my fiance has explained with his theory of the inner dog. Here are a couple things I've noticed that seem to create more confusion than necessary.
Space
I have yet to meet a man who has any real need for alone time. And yet men
throw around the word "space" a lot. When a man uses the word "space," it
doesn't mean "I need to be where others are not" as women mean it. No, when
a guy says he needs space, it's code for "I don't know if I really like you
that much. Probably not" or "I plan to date other people."
On the other hand, when a woman talks about "space," she means something
like: "I love you dearly, but if you don't get out of my hair right now, I
may have to murder you."
This can cause some communication breakdowns. Rule of thumb: If a woman
says she needs space, you can pretty much assume she's spending the weekend
alone, working on her loom. If a man says he needs space, you can assume
he's spending the weekend with another woman.
Dessert
Here's another important difference between men and women: For men, dessert
is just another snack. For women, it's a spiritual experience. I once
ordered the bread pudding at the end of a business lunch with two men who
were skipping dessert, they said, on behalf of their expanding waistlines.
"Okay, and I'll bring a couple extra spoons," our waiter said brightly.
When he hears this story, my fiance just shakes his head sagely and
mutters, "You don't come between a woman and her dessert."
I don't think I'll ever get over the injustice of having to share my
pudding with two guys who were supposed to be dieting. But I have figured
out what to do next time.
"In that case, you can bring two more desserts," I'll respond.
Correctly reading my look of frustrated longing, a waiter at a ritzy
restaurant in my hometown once told to me just to go ahead and dip my
finger in the chocolate syrup left on the plate after I had demolished the
torte. My date quickly grabbed my other hand to keep me from picking the
plate up and licking it.
As you can see these are fine points. Nothing to suggest men and women
aren't the same species, haling from the same tarnished planet. About the
most intelligent thing I heard anybody say last century has been attributed
to Betty Friedan: "Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it."
Speed Dating
