Money, Money, Money

The monkey on our back

By Pegah Aarabi

      On a recent girl's night out my two best friends and I gathered for dinner and our usual discussion about men, namely our significant others and their failings/triumphs, and our recent shopping exploits, nothing out of the ordinary. But on this night, a new topic found its way into our conversation: money. One of my friends had started a new job and the topic of savings arose; suddenly we all tensed up. "How much have you saved up?" I asked, feeling as if I was crossing a boundary I never should. "Well, um, I don't want to say." "More than a $1000 or less; more than $5000 or less?" Clearly there was no stopping my prying. "I'm not telling you, it's embarrassing." I accepted and we quickly changed topics. For a few moments we were completely incapable of talking candidly, as we have for the past 16 years.

Usually nothing is off the table with us, sex, health problems, relationship concerns, anything, no matter how sordid, icky, or complicated, we discuss it – often quite proudly with onlookers listening in. But money is a sore spot. We're taught at a very young to avoid the topic: "never ask how much someone makes," said our mothers. As women, it's just not something we discuss, unless it's somehow related to who we're dating or our shopping habits.

Liz Perle, author of Money, A Memoir, delves into the topic and looks at why women have such a complicated relationship with money. Liz came to her own realization when she was suddenly dumped by her husband, left with her four-year-old son and no job, after she moved everything to Singapore to meet her husband where he worked. Like many women, Liz always worked hard and made money, but she never consciously thought about her finances. She was all too willing to hand everything over to her husband and when he was gone, so was her financial security. Soon Liz began to examine her relationship with money and came to the realization that she was not alone. Many women, at every level of success, have a very distant, unattached feeling towards money, coupled with a very personal anxiety. And eventually this feeling catches up to us.

As Liz notes, the statistics aren't favorable:

More women will file for bankruptcy than will graduate college

More than half of all retired women live in poverty

A family with children is 75 percent more likely to be late paying its credit card bills

And the single biggest predictor that a woman will end up in financial collapse is the birth of a child

After detailing her own story and that of over 200 other women, the solution that Liz offers is quite simple, however difficult to implement: women need to have a non-judgmental, very logical and vocal relationship with money. Just as with many of the other aspects of our lives, money should relinquish its taboo status, and we should let go of our anxieties towards it.

As women we have worked to liberate ourselves in nearly every aspect, yet money remains to be conquered. There's nothing wrong with wanting to control your finances, to talk about how much you and your friends make, save and spend. Money is a key component of our lives that deserves the same analysis, concern, and proud discussion on a girl's night out.